The Blame Game: Women, Alcohol and Sexual Assault

Part 6 of the ‘Women & Alcohol: A Life in Balance’ series

There’s a really painful myth that’s still everywhere when it comes to sexual assault — the idea that if a woman has been drinking, somehow it’s her fault. That she ‘asked for it’ or ‘put herself in that situation’. Many years ago, I worked for Rape Crisis and I’ve heard this story too many times not just from the public or from men, but also from survivors and it’s heartbreaking how damaging it is.

Victim blaming doesn’t just hurt—it silences women, adds trauma and lets perpetrators off the hook. So today, I want to talk about why this happens, why it’s wrong and what we can do about it.

Why do we blame the victim? It’s complicated, but a big part of it comes down to control and discomfort. When we hear about assault, it shakes our sense of safety and fairness. Blaming the survivor feels like a way to explain away something terrifying — like saying, “If she hadn’t been drinking, none of this would have happened.” But that’s simply not true. It’s also very dangerous to assume that, as women, it’s our job to behave or dress in a certain way or be wary of where we walk or who we talk to. Surely the spotlight should be on perpetrators to just not rape and assault women?

There’s also this outdated idea that men can’t control themselves if they’ve had a drink. That’s nonsense. Alcohol never excuses assault, and it doesn’t cause assault. It can’t make you do anything you wouldn’t be capable of doing sober – it just takes away your regard for the consequences. In law, intoxication or being ‘in drink’ as it is termed, is not an excuse for any criminal act, nor is a lack of memory of the event.

No matter how much alcohol a woman has had, she never deserves to be assaulted. Consent is not just about yes or no — it’s about respect and boundaries that must be honoured at all times. Consent must always be sober, clear and freely given. The responsibility is 100% on the person who chooses (yes, it’s a choice) to cross those boundaries. In Scotland, sexual assault happens when someone is involved in sexual activity without freely agreeing to it. If a person is drunk or under the influence of other substances and cannot fully give consent, any sexual activity with them is considered sexual assault or rape—even if they seem to agree at the time. This should be the standard everywhere.

Victim blaming adds layers of shame and self-doubt to an already traumatic experience. Women who face blame are less likely to report assaults, get support or start the healing process. Instead, they often carry a secret burden, feeling isolated and misunderstood. This silence hurts individuals and whole communities. Impairment through alcohol can complicate the matter further, with survivors being confused about what is happening to them and whether, as the media often suggests, intoxication implies consent. 

I remember reading a newspaper headline about the murder of Sarah Everard. It claimed that she “did everything she was ‘supposed’ to do as a woman out walking but she never made it home.”[1] What is a woman ‘supposed’ to do? Why are we held responsible for preventing people from attacking us? Why?

A few years ago, I co-authored guidance on domestic homicides and dependent drinking[2]. Our research established that male perpetrators of domestic violence (physical violence, rather than the broader term of abuse) who were heavy or dependent drinkers were often signposted to alcohol recovery services rather than perpetrator programmes in the mistaken belief that alcohol, not the man, was responsible for his actions. Too often, survivors are unfairly blamed for their choices, such as drinking alcohol, while the responsibility of the perpetrator is diminished because they, too, may have been drinking. Changing this narrative starts with how we talk about these situations and the attitudes we reinforce in our communities.

The first step is simple but powerful: listen without judgment. Avoid asking “what if” questions or implying that a survivor’s actions somehow caused the assault. Believing survivors validates their experience and helps create a culture of support rather than shame. Challenge victim-blaming whenever you encounter it—whether in conversations with friends and colleagues, on social media or in public discussions and media coverage. Highlighting the injustice of blaming survivors helps shift societal norms and reinforces that responsibility and accountability always lie with the perpetrator. Once you start to pay attention, you’ll notice how subtle and pervasive victim-blaming can be.

Educate yourself and others about the meaning of consent. Alcohol can impair someone’s ability to give clear, voluntary and informed consent. It is essential to recognise that consuming alcohol does not give anyone the right to take advantage of another person. Promoting accurate understanding of consent helps prevent excuses that reduce offender accountability.

What can you do to make sure that you’re someone a survivor could open up to? How can you make sure that policies and environments are created where survivors feel safe to come forward? Accessible reporting mechanisms, confidential support services and a non-judgmental response are crucial for ensuring that survivors are not silenced by fear or stigma. Talking openly about alcohol and sexual assault can feel uncomfortable, but these discussions are vital and the words we use matter. Honest dialogue helps break down shame and stigma, encourages responsible behaviour and improves understanding of the dynamics of consent and accountability.

What’s Next:

“A Certain Age: alcohol and midlife” — looking at how alcohol affects us all differently as we move through perimenopause and beyond.

[1] The Daily Record, 21^st March 2021

[2] Mike Ward et al; (2016),  Domestic abuse and change resistant drinkers: preventing and reducing the harm. Learning lessons from Domestic Homicide Reviews