Wine O’Clock? Alcohol, Stress, and the Modern Mother

Part 4 of the ‘Women & Alcohol: A Life in Balance’ series

If you’re a mum (or have spent five minutes near one) you’ve probably heard the phrase “wine o’clock.” It’s practically a national anthem for many of us. It’s become this cheeky little joke, a way to laugh off the exhaustion, the never-ending to-do lists, the chaotic schedules and the emotional rollercoaster that is motherhood. And honestly? Sometimes laughing is the only way to survive.

But behind the joke lies something a bit more serious. For many mums, that glass of wine isn’t just a treat or a social habit — it’s a coping tool, a way to decompress and grab a few moments of peace when life feels overwhelming.

So why is alcohol such a go-to for stress? Motherhood is tough, and that’s putting it mildly. Sleepless nights, endless school runs, managing work (if you’re juggling that too), meal planning, tantrums and the constant feeling that you’ve forgotten something can leave you feeling like you’re running on empty. Add to that the unspoken pressure to be a ‘perfect’ mum — who somehow manages to do it all gracefully — and it’s no wonder stress piles up like laundry you just can’t seem to finish.

Alcohol often seems like a quick fix. After a long day, a glass of wine can feel like a warm hug, a mini escape, a way to switch off your brain and settle into a moment of calm. But here’s the kicker: alcohol might numb stress for a little while, but it doesn’t solve it. In fact, drinking can actually increase anxiety and make mood swings worse, especially when combined with the hormonal rollercoaster many women experience. And if you’re like many mums, you might not even realise how much it’s creeping up on you.

Drinking to manage stress is easy to slip into — like sneaking an extra biscuit when no one’s looking. But over time, that habit can bring some real challenges. Do you remember the last time you had an undisturbed night of glorious sleep? Probably not if you’re a parent, yet alcohol actually reduces the quality of your rest. You might fall asleep faster but wake up feeling groggy and sluggish because alcohol disrupts your REM cycle, that’s the bit that refreshes you and sets you up for a new day, and so the exhaustion cycle continues.

Alcohol can make you more irritable, and if you’re already overstretched, those feelings can spiral into guilt or frustration with yourself. Not exactly the mood you want for bedtime stories or school mornings. Instead of lowering stress long-term, alcohol can make it harder to cope. That ‘little glass’ in response to a bad day can turn into a few, and before you know it, you’re not handling the pressure any better than before — sometimes worse. The problem is that we are all encouraged to have a drink as a panacea for life’s ills. But it’s not working, it never did. Alcohol-related anxiety is a thing, but so often our response is to have another drink because in the short term it does seem to work.

What’s more, your kids are always watching, even when you don’t think they are. When alcohol becomes the ‘go-to’ for unwinding, it subtly teaches them that drinking is the way to deal with life’s ups and downs. Research from the Institute of Alcohol Studies[1] found that children not only notice their parents’ drinking habits but they are not impressed, citing disturbed routines, parental arguments and less attention when parents drink.

There’s a unique pressure on mothers when it comes to drinking. But if you’re a mum who chooses not to drink, you might feel a whole other kind of pressure: the awkward questions, the well-meaning but annoying “oh come on, one won’t hurt” nudges or even feeling left out of social circles where drinks flow freely. Damned if you do…

Whether you drink or not, motherhood is a tricky balancing act — and it’s totally normal to have mixed feelings about alcohol. The key is finding what works for you without the guilt or the pressure. If wine o’clock is feeling a bit too much like the only option, what else can help you decompress? It’s always helpful to have a few healthier ways to unwind up your sleeve.

Here are some ideas that have helped me and many mums I know. Let’s start with breathing. Anyone who knows me will agree that I’m never going to be great at mindfulness let alone meditation, but even I can manage five minutes of deep breathing. I’m not knocking meditation, I wish I could access that Zenlike calm, but hey, no-one’s perfect. But just a few conscious breaths can help calm your mind and lower stress levels. Apps like Headspace or Calm are great if you want a little guidance.

How about movement? Now this is much more my jam. I’m a gym goer. I don’t mean occasionally, I mean daily resistance training, lifting heavy, all that stuff. My husband jokes that the gym is my Cheers – where everybody knows my name. I’m not super fit or anything, just staving off old age, osteoporosis and sarcopenia (that’s the decline in muscle mass and strength that comes with aging). You don’t have to run a marathon. A quick walk around the block, stretching in the living room, or yes dancing round your kitchen to Northern Soul (I promise, it counts!) — can lift your mood and release tension.

Sometimes just having a heart-to-heart with another mum who ‘gets it’ can remind you you’re not alone. Connection helps. Maybe over a coffee, though, rather than a bottle of Pinot. And when it comes to connection, it’s important to let your partner and friends know how you’re feeling. I’ve known so many women who can’t talk to their nearest and dearest without a drink first; they feel they have to be perfect and it’s only when they’ve had a few glasses that they can really express how they feel. I’ve been there myself and it’s not healthy. Working on communicating your needs directly can help but again, society has all these expectations about us and all these judgements about how we should be in the world. I know it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Motherhood is messy and beautiful and exhausting — often all at once. If you reach for a glass of wine (or vodka or brown ale) now and then to get through the day, that’s okay. Seriously, no judgement here. But if you notice it becoming your only way to cope, it’s a good time to pause and check in with yourself. You deserve support, kindness and tools that help you thrive, not just survive.

And if all else fails, remember: sometimes laughter is the best medicine. Because if you can’t laugh about the chaos, well… you might just cry instead.

What’s Next

Coming up: Rising High or Falling Fast? Female Executives and Alcohol — a look at the unique pressures on women at the top and how alcohol fits into the picture.

[1] Institute of Alcohol Studies, 2017, Like Sugar For Adults